I know I'm breaking my pattern, and my students would yell at me for ruining my own continuity, but last night I had a big of a long-coming, much-needed breakdown.
I don't want to go into details, because the I don't like to put my personal life on the internet, but the point was that I finally said some things out loud, admitted some things to myself and those very close to me, and I was able to ask for the help I needed.
No, I am not on drugs. Actually, the things I was admitting were some insecurities I'm not sure what to do with. I'm not used to having ego problems; I've always been very secure in myself. But I've been questioning recently if this self that I am so secure in is too distant from those around me.
However, I realized something important.
There is nothing wrong with me.
As long as I am being true to myself, and I am, then I need to wait for those who want me for me.
I do have some; I'm not totally alone. And more will come as long as I am true to myself, even if that self is a bit impervious sometimes.
So maybe N should be that there is [N]othing wrong with me. But sometimes, we all [N]eed some breakdown time too.