Friday, April 13, 2012

I am [L]only

Normally, I broadcast my posts on Facebook and Twitter, but my Facebook friends I actually see on a regular basis, and some of my Twitter friends too (and some of my students follow my Twitter, so I like to keep it professional)...but this one is just between you and me. 


I am Lonley. 


I am not ashamed of this, I just don't really like to talk about my personal life a lot, but the point of this exercise is to help me be more focused, and I can't focus if I'm not honest with myself. 


From the time I was 18 until I was 24 I was seeing a man who I thought I would one day marry. Things didn't work out; we didn't end up in the same place in life and we just couldn't make it work. We split, stayed very good friends, and are seeing other people. The man I was in love with is not the man that he actually was, and when I realized that I was able to be friends with him, not hate him, and move on. 


But that has left me coming home to a house with my sister and mother instead of coming home to a man I love. That has left me without a good night phone call, a stead date to events, and a lot of nights at home alone. 


I love my life, but there is no way to deny the fact that I want a goodnight phone call, and to know that I have a steady date to cuddle on the couch whenever I want, and someone who wants to commit to me as much as I want to commit to someone. 


But I haven't found that someone. So, until then, I am going to keep looking. 


I want to look into the eyes of the man who will some day be my husband and say "I was thorough when I looked for you".


Well, minus the lesbian implications of that quotation. 
(Google the quote if you don't know it. Everyone needs to see that movie)

2 comments:

  1. Good honest post. Being alone can be hard, but I'm sure will be worth it in the end. Keep persevering. My plan is that when I meet that special guy, I'm going to smack him for keeping me waiting so long. Thanks for posting.

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  2. We both did lonely for "L". Stopping by from the A to Z Challenge.

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