Normally, I broadcast my posts on Facebook and Twitter, but my Facebook friends I actually see on a regular basis, and some of my Twitter friends too (and some of my students follow my Twitter, so I like to keep it professional)...but this one is just between you and me.
I am Lonley.
I am not ashamed of this, I just don't really like to talk about my personal life a lot, but the point of this exercise is to help me be more focused, and I can't focus if I'm not honest with myself.
From the time I was 18 until I was 24 I was seeing a man who I thought I would one day marry. Things didn't work out; we didn't end up in the same place in life and we just couldn't make it work. We split, stayed very good friends, and are seeing other people. The man I was in love with is not the man that he actually was, and when I realized that I was able to be friends with him, not hate him, and move on.
But that has left me coming home to a house with my sister and mother instead of coming home to a man I love. That has left me without a good night phone call, a stead date to events, and a lot of nights at home alone.
I love my life, but there is no way to deny the fact that I want a goodnight phone call, and to know that I have a steady date to cuddle on the couch whenever I want, and someone who wants to commit to me as much as I want to commit to someone.
But I haven't found that someone. So, until then, I am going to keep looking.
I want to look into the eyes of the man who will some day be my husband and say "I was thorough when I looked for you".
Well, minus the lesbian implications of that quotation.
(Google the quote if you don't know it. Everyone needs to see that movie)