Friday, April 13, 2012

I am [L]only

Normally, I broadcast my posts on Facebook and Twitter, but my Facebook friends I actually see on a regular basis, and some of my Twitter friends too (and some of my students follow my Twitter, so I like to keep it professional)...but this one is just between you and me. 

I am Lonley. 

I am not ashamed of this, I just don't really like to talk about my personal life a lot, but the point of this exercise is to help me be more focused, and I can't focus if I'm not honest with myself. 

From the time I was 18 until I was 24 I was seeing a man who I thought I would one day marry. Things didn't work out; we didn't end up in the same place in life and we just couldn't make it work. We split, stayed very good friends, and are seeing other people. The man I was in love with is not the man that he actually was, and when I realized that I was able to be friends with him, not hate him, and move on. 

But that has left me coming home to a house with my sister and mother instead of coming home to a man I love. That has left me without a good night phone call, a stead date to events, and a lot of nights at home alone. 

I love my life, but there is no way to deny the fact that I want a goodnight phone call, and to know that I have a steady date to cuddle on the couch whenever I want, and someone who wants to commit to me as much as I want to commit to someone. 

But I haven't found that someone. So, until then, I am going to keep looking. 

I want to look into the eyes of the man who will some day be my husband and say "I was thorough when I looked for you".

Well, minus the lesbian implications of that quotation. 
(Google the quote if you don't know it. Everyone needs to see that movie)


  1. Good honest post. Being alone can be hard, but I'm sure will be worth it in the end. Keep persevering. My plan is that when I meet that special guy, I'm going to smack him for keeping me waiting so long. Thanks for posting.

  2. We both did lonely for "L". Stopping by from the A to Z Challenge.